When You Burn A Forest – part 6 / Seks
“Fy fan! Give that to me!” She strongly asserted. Those words just increased my grip on the bag ten-fold. “Nei! Hva faen?” I replied. A total panic had washed over me. I was seconds from a cold sweat all over my person. Trembling as much as I was there was a calm still deep inside me. She looked at me with a look mixed of sadness and revenge. Tossing the bag on the ground, I stomped on it a few times. Crunch! Crunch! Now it was time to sit down and make an attempt to begin negotiations.
“OK my love we must talk.” She started to cry. This was not good at all because the last thing I ever desired in the world was to hurt her, and the same went for her. So this was rather delicate. Quite delicate. We walked over to our couch and sat down. What the hell was I going to say? I never had really been mad at her. We never argued about anything. The relationship we employed was a beautiful one. Being quite close already and taking an instant liking to each other made this even more difficult. She had plucked me out of the few. She took a huge gamble and let me into her life and introduced me to everyone. Never even questioning once if I was to be a stone cold psychopath or some raging asshole. I had also rolled the dice and dove deep into the recesses of her world.
How was I to begin? How was I to do this right? I gave her a big hug. “Look, I love you and want to help see you through this.” “I have a disease…” The anger turned quickly to a profound, melancholic sadness. Tears started to well up in my eyes. They cascaded down my cheeks. She was in a full scale breakdown herself. “ I want the best for us, I do” I said very solemnly. “We must find a way to break this cycle and lay a foundation for a good future.” There were thoughts in the back of my mind: I cared very much for her, I might be able to marry her. The thought of marriage was background static though, nothing in the forefront yet. She acquiesced. “I love you Buba.” She sobbed. “I love you.” I had earnestly replied. “Now can we figure out a way to get you to better and more effective medicine?” “Yes, I will call the doctor tomorrow.” She gazed into my eyes. I was in totally unreal love with her and would do everything I could to help her and make us a super couple. The type that everyone just has to see once and BOOM! They know they are locked in solid and will be together into their next lives. They have already won. The kind of profound love everyone aspires to be in. Her pale flawless skin with her rosy cheeks and her beautiful, vibrant and exuberant blue eyes met mine and they locked in a heavenly trance. In total embrace. I could feel the love traveling like electrical currents through our bodies and souls. If there ever was a moment of total synchronicity between our hearts, then this was it. Our pulses shared our entire lives in that moment. The pain, the joy, the heartbreak of previous relationships, the triumphs, the failures and everything in between. Like in The Knife’s song Heartbeats “Sharing different heartbeats in one night.” That line resonated through my mind. Reflecting on it, we could have probably quoted that same line at the same time to each other in that moment. “We were in love.” Within a flash, we were to be forever become kindred spirits. Both being very warm creatures the tears became almost hot by the time they began to dissipate and evaporate.
I threw the black bag away with only barely examining the contents. They were your standard fare run of the mill kit. Viewing enough of the evidence, I took the black satin bag and buried it in our pink and white mini industrial retro waste basket. That was that. This disease would be conquered through love, understanding and proper medicine. This ushered in a powerful sense of encouragement. Nevermind the fact winter was so quick to come. Feeling better and actually much stronger than before, a sense of accomplishment empowered me. Her anxiety and fears had subsided for the time being as well. I do not know if she thought I was going to react irrationally and do something extreme, but that is not love. There is no love in abuse. Just abuse. I was never going to do that to her. It was not a part of my moral fibre or character. Being on the receiving side of abuse at a young age, I knew then love was the only way to treat everyone and everything.
Our days continuing after that were spent going about our daily routine. She made all the necessary appointments. I was in tow for which ever she desired me to attend and provide support, even though my sleeping schedule was so out of any rational routine. This was to be my first winter here in St Hanshaugen. There was no cause for alarm for a while, but I began to feel very strangely. There was no pinpointing it. It was truly bizarre. I knew it was my first winter there and we were broke, but I was happy during that time.
The days began to restrict the daylight more and more, revealing a winter in which it seemed encompassed in eternal darkness. When you get up and peek out the venetian blinds to see no daylight for days on end, those feelings start to come. They encouraged me to visit the tanning beds. If you are not aware, we have to do this up at this latitude. We lack Vitamin D very much. That lack of said vitamin ensures a kind of mild seasonal depression. At times can seem very dark. For 2 weeks at one point I had not seen the sun. A dangerous hunger grew inside of me. Diseases can spread and wreak total devastation on households. On entire countries. 1349. That was about to come to our doorstep. Why was I feeling like this? I still felt quite happy and in total enamoration. Even collecting Pant for our basic necessities but his hunger grew more bold and aroused my curiosity as well. Little did I know I was in for a humble portion of something quite dangerous and lethal myself.